Just like a pillow!

"forgive me, father" - theoldestjones-archive-blog

For every “forgive me, father” I receive in my inbox I’ll share a memory that haunts my muse with guilt.

           _{"The day that my parents were going to go to a wedding in Corona. My cousin and her fiance were getting married and my parents– the King and Queen of Arendelle– wanted to be there early to help out and to do everything they could to make sure the wedding went off without any issues. Elsa had tried to stop them, begging them to wait for one more day because we heard that there was an awful storm. I just told them to have a good trip and I would see them when they got back.}

                             _{Their ship didn’t make it to Corona. Their graves are empty graves. I keep wondering what would’ve been different if I had begged them to stay like Elsa had. Maybe they would’ve listened and they’d still be here today– but I’ll never know. I’ll never know and it’s all my fault.“}

Elsa has passed away - Anonymous

“…Has passed away.” Add a character and see how my muse reacts!

    _{Anna could feel her heart stop as the words filled the empty space between her and Kristoff. She had locked herself in her room earlier that day after there had been an assassination attempt on her and her sister’s lives. Elsa had seen the man right before he could get Anna and so she used some ice to stop him but she hadn’t noticed the person that was behind her. Anna screamed her name as she saw the dagger pierce her sister but it wasn’t in any vital space— that’s what Anna prayed at least.}

                  _{S h e   c o u l d n ’ t   l o s e   E l s a   a g a i n .}

                                _{S h e   h a d   o n l y   j u s t   g o t t e n   h e r   s i s t e r   b a c k .}

                                             _{S h e   c o u l d n ’ t   l i v e   w i t h o u t   h e r .} 

_{She could hear Kristoff call out her name but she just ran up to her sister and she punched the assailant. She punched him again and again as the tears cascaded down her cheeks. She couldn’t feel anything. She couldn't feel any remorse or any urge to stop from killing the man who had hurt her sister. She could even hear Elsa weakly say her name in pleas to get her to stop from killing him but she wouldn’t listen; she was consumed with rage due to the guilt that if she had been paying more attention Elsa wouldn’t have needed to save her. It was all her fault again and she couldn’t even deny it. She wasn’t ready to be Queen. She didn't want to be Queen. It was Elsa’s title and she wasn’t going to die. Anna kept repeating that mantra in her mind over and over again until she couldn’t take it anymore. She heard someone else call her name before one of the servants grabbed her fist before she could collide it once more with the bastard who had hurt Elsa.}

_{Her body jerked away from the man and she was being held back by one of the servants who had watched the two girls grow up. Anna looked back at Elsa, seeing people were already trying to help her. They had a doctor who had been attending the gala that celebrated their recent decision to start a trade route with Corona and as a celebration they had invited the King and Queen of Corona as well as their daughter and her husband to visit Arendelle. Anna looked into the crowd and saw the faces of the royals as they looked at her with horror at what they had seen. Anna went limp and if it hadn’t been for someone holding her she would have fallen to the ground. She actually wished she had fallen; she would be able to just close her eyes and pretend this was a bad dream that way. She could see Kristoff run up to her and she could feel herself be handed to him but she couldn’t look up from her sister in fear that if she did she would disappear and Anna would never see her again.}

_{When Kristoff took her into his arms she began to scream and struggle to get out of his arms as everything suddenly crashed down on Anna– the situation had finally hit her. She wasn’t dreaming. This was happening. Her sister could be dying and it would be all her fault. She reached out for Elsa as the tears streamed down her cheeks. She pleaded for Kristoff to let her go so she could be with her sister but he just stayed quiet and held onto her tighter as he ascended the staircase and took her to her room. He went inside and placed her on her bed and didn’t let go until she stopped struggling with him. She fell limp as she looked up at him with red puffy eyes.}

                   _{"Save… her…“ Anna pleaded as Kristoff nodded and left her in her room. He had left the door open but Anna had jumped from her bed and ran to the door and slammed it and locked it. She could hear Kristoff run back and jiggle the knob to try to open it before he began to pound on the door. He pleaded with her to unlock the door but she just sat with her back against the door as she stared at the picture her and Elsa had painted when they were little girls. She had it hung on her wall next to her bed so she could always see it when she woke up to make her smile.}

_{Anna hadn’t moved an inch for what felt like an eternity to her before Kristoff had come back and said the words that she had feared of hearing. She let out a choked sob and curled in on herself as she began to sob loudly. She could feel Kristoff’s presence seep through the door so she knew he could hear her. She didn’t care anymore. She hadn’t even gotten to see her sister one last time and the last thing Elsa will ever remember of her will be of her losing control and almost beating someone to death.}

          _{"I’m so sorry, Elsa. I’m so… I’m so sorry…” Anna whispered out as she could feel a breeze come from her window which only moments ago had been closed. Anna stared at it as she let out a hard laugh; she almost let herself believe that Elsa had just come into her room.}

                           _{"I know you were protecting me, Anna. I know you’ve always tried to protect me. Please don’t shut everyone out– please lead this kingdom for me. I’ll always be here. I’ll always be watching over you, Anna. I’m here with Mom and Dad; we’re all watching out for you. You’ll never be alone.}

                                             _{W e   a l l   l o v e   y o u . “} 

_{Anna’s head jerked up at the voice and she saw Elsa standing at the window wearing one of the most beautiful dresses she had ever seen. A smile was on her face as she walked up to Anna and hugged her. She could feel her but the feeling was fading fast as she wrapped her arms tightly around her sister. Elsa pulled back and pressed a kiss to Anna’s forehead. She took her hands and Anna could feel something cold rest in them. Looking down she saw a necklace made of ice. She looked up again to ask Elsa about it but she was gone. Anna ran to the window and looked up at the sky and saw the stars illuminated in the night sky framing a full moon.}

                                                        _{"Goodbye, Elsa.”}